Grounds for Divorce: Problems runeth over, and over, and over

Hunting, Fishing and Other Grounds of Divorce, by Jacki Michels, for the Redoubt Reporter

“Seriously?”

“You’ve GOT to be kidding!”

I cursed my phone and went through the messages again, and quite out loud and to no one in particular (as I was by myself) I asserted:

“NOT MY PROBLEM!”

I stuck my tongue out at my cell.

“So there!”

Amazing. Nine messages, each concerning husband or kids, and there was even a message for our new puppy.

“What do I look like? A secretary?”

Humph.

I related the story to one of my girlfriends, then another, and yes, four more.

We all had eerily similar conversations that could best be summarized as follows:

“B-u-s-y! Geesh! Time — never enough! Work! Cooking, laundry, dishes, shopping, schedule and WORK!”

As always, we took turns enumerating our litany of responsibilities, duties, conflicts and general chaos. At one point I realized that when I recited my life craziness and then my friends recited their craziness, we were all getting a weird sort of mutual express therapy. As always, as our sessions drew to a close, we’d all croon, “Someday — yes, someday! Very soon — sigh — we shall do yoga! And run? Or hike?”

Sounds divine, we agree. We’ll get together someday soon, we all promise/lie, and hug and go on our merrily busy way.

That was last week, and, oddly, the very same thing kept right on happening — on a daily basis. I had a startling revelation.

My life is something like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day” — trapped in a day until he rights a situation — except for me, the movie never ends. And I like to think I look nothing like Bill Murray. And, of course, I’m not a guy. The point is there are days that all sort of blur together. Thing is, life is like that, isn’t it?

Come to think of it, I have a ton of stuff to do, this column is (oops) late, and about a hundred words too short. Never mind, I’m going for a run.

  • Grounds for staying married: That one romantic thing he said several overfilled calendars ago, something sweet and cheesy about having our cups overflow.
  • Grounds for Divorce No. 7,446: Asking wife to do another errand when she gets a minute … .
  • Grounds for divorce No. 7,447: Claiming wife is NEVER 100 words short. EVER.

Whatever.

Jacki Michels is a freelance writer who lives (and loves) in Soldotna.

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